Men’s Group Offerings

Background 

It’s not that hard to just form a men’s group, but how do you get the right kind of men? How do you make sure it’s actually transformative instead of just blandly supportive or, worse, enabling each other’s blind spots?  

What are the agreements, and the rules? How do you challenge or support each other, avoid giving advice unless it is asked, and learn to become more sovereign, more dignified, more in touch with your care, and more emotionally mature? 

I’ve been approached by dozens of men curious how I’ve been able to be part of the same men’s group for the last 16+ years, with the same group of 8 men. I’ve considered writing a book, doing a blog about it, and launching a course, but none of those seemed right. 

I realized this is more of a mentorship and lead-by-example model, one that will benefit from you seeing what I do, why I do it, and how it changes you and the men in your group. 

Why Men’s Work?

Quite simply, because we need the help. Men are stuck with crappy cultural examples of what masculinity should be — too out-of-touch on one side, and too soft on the other. 

The vast majority of men I meet are closed off to their deeper care of themselves and of the world. They are often afraid of their anger, or don’t understand it. They’ve never experienced the clarity of anger, and how the two are powerfully different. Problems with wives and partners and work and kids all seem intractable. 

Most men don’t know how to communicate in a way that gets them more of what they want. They posture to cover up their vulnerability (which exists in all humans but is often unconscious for them) — or they collapse into it and wallow in being a victim. They don’t know what real support looks like, or how to offer it to others. They are sometimes doing one thing well in their life (career/success, parenting, or being in a relationship) but the other two things are suffering.  

Therapy hasn’t helped much, or they haven’t tried it. They crave support that is sophisticated enough to call them out, but also to be focused on forward momentum and leading a better life.

What Are the Benefits?

My life has  been completely changed by my men’s group. I can’t even express how much it means to me these days. When we started, I was rigid and closed off, hyper-independant, lonely, seeking love, unsure in my professional life, mired in self-hatred, and didn’t have a community of peers I respected. That’s all changed. 

The benefits are simple: You get to be more of who you really are, unapologetically — while also operating with more care for self and others. 

How It Works

We will meet for 2 hours, twice monthly, over Zoom. If you’re part of the group, attendance is mandatory unless a true force maejor hits your life — a death, a critical illness, you’re stuck on the side of a highway, or something that makes attending absolutely and inarguably impossible. 

Some of the most profound nights I’ve had in my group are the nights I least wanted to be there, so we all come no matter how we’ve slept, what’s happening with work or at home, the loss of a job or wife, or anything else. 

The groups are intense, but we’ll also laugh and make a practice of not taking it, or ourselves, too seriously. 

What It’s Not

• A safe space. It’s “safe enough” for you to be challenged and supported — skillfully and compassionately, but with fire if necessary 

• A “processing” circle 

• Based on any ideas that “men are bad” or a need to atone for our (non personal) collective past 

• Conformist with current cultural trends  (not woke, but also not anti-woke)

• Political or religious in any way 

• Part of the Men’s Rights Movement — or any other movement 

The only agenda we honor is helping men become who they want to be.